Where there is no vision [no redemptive revelation of God], the people perish.
-Proverbs 29:18a (AMP)
I’m not one to lack vision for my life. Ever.
That is, until now.
With all the roadblocks and changes that have occurred this year, for the first time in several years, I feel very scattered and vision-less; it’s a feeling I loathe and want to shake off quickly. The truth is I thrive off of envisioning a lofty goal and then taking the necessary steps to complete it. I thrive off of busyness and purposeful living — not off of having no idea what I am doing from 8:0am-5:00pm other than going to the gym.
When did I allow myself to begin to dream so shallowly? When did I begin to think that my most productive, world-changing days were behind me or instead further ahead of me when I become a mother just because, at least for now, I’ve hit a couple (albeit huge) roadblocks? Why did I allow the ungodly actions of some to jade me so badly, to steal my joy? When did I begin to see this time in between as a curse instead of a blessing? I wish I had the answers to these hard questions…but I don’t.
For one who accomplished so much in such little time in the past, I feel rather ashamed for how small I tend to dream right now, for how confused I feel about the current trajectory of my life. I know that woman who was such a dreamer, a visionary, is still inside of me. I just have to find her again. Life has beaten her down many, many times in the past several months, but that is no excuse. She still exists. She – not who I am right now – is who I want to be.
I long for vision again, so that I do not feel like I’m perishing like I do now. When you’ve lived in the Spirit like I have before, full of vision and fire, you know quite well that living any other way (like I am now) is far from living; it’s far from His will for His children and only leaves them feeling restless.
I also know receiving vision requires laser light focus, focus I have failed to give Him though I have more than enough time to do so. Though I would like to believe otherwise, I know that the Father does not have my full attention right now. I know that my thoughts are scattered and my heart divided because I have allowed too many distractions into my life and subsequently can’t hear His voice clearly. Facebook, friends, Pinterest, Hulu, email, TV, you name it I use it to drown out the restlessness I feel. These things in and of themselves are not sinful, but when you use them to try to quiet the Spirit within you that says, “There’s so much more I want to show you than this, Child,” they are definitely a hindrance to hearing the heart of God, the Creator and Sustainer of life itself.
I know vision is readily available for those who will quiet themselves long enough to receive it. I know there’s solace and rest once you surrender to the internal tension that tells you there’s more to life than what meets the human eye but that seeing it is hard but worth it. So, starting today, I am going to be much more intentional about listening for the still, small voice (1 Kings 19:11-12), obeying it, and letting Him write my in-between-story instead of me filling my life with lackluster things that hardly satisfy.
Will you please pray for me to be in-tune with His vision for my life, for you to be with yours?