Anguish & Joy

The past month or so of my life has been full of anguish and joy.

I would LOVE to tell you all about it, but out of respect for my husband’s wishes (and for my own good), I will keep all the juicy details to myself.  Consequently, there will not a be “Cheers & Jeers” for February.

Bottom line: My life has changed drastically since February 9th. Though at times it’s been really, really tough to admit, these changes have been for my good and His glory. In response to the lady at my church, whom I’ve already corrected, who had the audacity to approach me a few weeks ago to ask me (and not in a caring way) if I was having problems in my marriage after a Sunday morning service where John and I went up to the altar and prayed together , NO, I’m not.  (Note: Nosy people like the aforementioned are why people don’t feel comfortable going to the altar (esp. in a large church) in the first place; don’t get me started). OK, now that I have that piece of information out on the table, I feel better. Moving on.

So, life’s changed, and I’m detoxing from the old and daily learning to embrace the new.

What does my new life entail right now?

  • Drug-induced, non-restful sleep due to this stupid sinus medication that gives me insomnia. 4 weeks down, 1 to go…but I’m not having a hard time being bitter about it. 😉
  • Time with the Lord — much needed and extremely healing after all I’ve been through.
  • Time with my husband and friends – those who truly know me and my heart
  • Crying and laughing – thankfully, with each day there’s more of the latter than the former.
  • Journaling – John didn’t want me blogging for a while (too easy to spew out emotion), so I’m glad to be back.
  • Job hunting & networking –  Please pray He provides me a job I love, a job in which I feel appreciated and valued. Thankfully, there are a few prospects to which I’ve already turned in my resume. 🙂
  • Looking for a new publisher – yes, you read that correctly. 😦 It’s been very hard to not feel like 6 years of work has in one signature been wiped away. In a matter of a few weeks, my book will not be available anywhere (online or stores) for a while. Please pray for us as we seek a new outlet to publish the revised edition of Breathtaking; we’d still like to re-release in 2012.
  • Cleaning and cooking — probably not as much as I could, but more than I was.
  • Exercising –  again, not as much as I could. I feel completely out of a normal routine right now.

I’ve also been teaching every Wednesday night a very timely Bible study on the book of James. James is one of my, if not my most, favorite books of the Bible, so I knew I was going to enjoy facilitating this study. I didn’t expect, however, for God to hit me square between the eyes with James’ words. Silly, emotional, I-want-to-defend-myself-to-the-masses me to forget that part of James in on taming the tongue (we went over that HW last night). Silly me to be surprised that I’d be so convicted over not just that lesson but every lesson! I’ve only had the same thing happen over a dozen times before when I’ve taught!

Anyone else find themselves having to learn the same lessons a nauseating amount of times?  I’m so thankful I’m leading a group of such sweet, forgiving ladies who, too, are re-learning timeless truths and who don’t expect their leader to “have it all together.” Let me just say it’s quite refreshing and humbling to lead some ladies who are more than twice my age (and have twice my wisdom) who allow, and welcome, me to freely work out my own sanctification while encouraging them to do the same.

In any case, this past week’s video lesson (we’re doing a Beth Moore series) was particularly challenging.

God has called us to remember that:

  1. Anguish and joy can co-exist (Jas. 1:2).
  2. Anguish and joy can trade places (Isa. 61:1-3).
  3. The source of anguish can morph into joy (John 16:20).
  4. Mental anguish can be like the mind in labor (Ps. 55:1-5, esp. v. 4).
  5. Anguish is mean to lead to a birth (John 16:20-22).

During this time of trial, I don’t want to give birth to the wind. I want to press through the pain and give birth to something great, something awesome for the Kingdom of God and my good. I don’t want to sit back and watch life happen to me. Instead, I want to allow Him to create life in what seems like an emotional and personal wasteland.

As Beth Moore says, “You can live with pain a whole lot more than you can live with purposelessness.”

I whole-hardheartedly agree.

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1 Comment

Filed under Life, Sanctification

One response to “Anguish & Joy

  1. Rosanne

    “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43: 18, 19 He’s going to do a new thing, and it will be over and abundantly more than you can hope or imagine!

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