That’s how I feel lately when it comes to my relationship with the Lord.

Between work, my new business, marriage, ministry, speaking, and everything else that consumes my days, I just haven’t really been very good about spending time alone – not distracted – with my Heavenly Father. It hasn’t been an intentional neglect of the relationship, but I certainly haven’t been putting in a valiant effort, either.

Things are going to change.

Last night, God got my attention. You see, I’m a Bible study facilitator at my church. I have a group of 6 or so ladies that come every Wednesday night and sit under my direction. 98% of them are older than me, but they still look up to me and expect me to be their leader, as they should. In the four years I’ve facilitated, I’ve had the honor and privilege of getting to know many of them in ways I could have never imagined. They’ve shared things they didn’t have to share. They’ve prayed for me, and I have prayed for them. I love that group of women, no matter what size of group I have, which varies depending on the time of year and study we’re doing.

Since I lead the study, and hadn’t had made any time to study my lesson, I purposefully made time yesterday after work to have a good few hours to study the “homework” we were supposed to complete for that night’s session. I went to the bookcase where I always keep my study, and guess what? It wasn’t there.  After an hour of searching, I still couldn’t find it. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, I knew God was trying to teach me something.

I knew He was saying, “Looking for something, Amber?”

It wasn’t in a mocking tone. It was, though, a question that demanded an answer.

Of course I was looking for something! I wanted my Bible study book, and I wanted it now, so I could be the good Bible study teacher and get my lesson done. I didn’t want to look like an idiot to my women, to my husband, to anyone. I wanted the quick fix.

I wanted to look like I had it all together, even though I didn’t.

After searching and coming up empty, I was convinced I’d find it at church. The week before, I went from church to my friend’s to work-out, and she said the book was not at her house.  I went straight home from there.  It had to be at church. That was the only thing that made sense.

It wasn’t there.  When I couldn’t find it again, I wanted it to appear, out of thin air, like a miracle straight out of the NT.

God could have done that, but He chose to do something different.

He chose to allow me to misplace it to teach me humility, or should I say, re-teach me. It’s always a lesson.

He humbled me in front of the ladies in my Bible study, and now he’s humbling me in front of you. I wouldn’t be surprised if the book does reappear, now that I’m being open and honest about my recent struggles to make my relationship with Him a priority.

If the book doesn’t find it’s way back to me, I have definitely re-learned another lesson:

The Lord is jealous for our attention, and He’ll find a way to get it.

I love you, Lord. Thank you for pursuing me, no matter what. You truly are the Lover of my soul.


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