Ever seen a movie that made you feel like your future was being played out in front of you?
Last night we rented – for FREE (thank you, Redbox) – Time Traveler’s Wife.
Let’s just say, I’m glad it was free.
I’d heard how “great” it was, and that it wasn’t filthy like most films these days, so I was all excited about our pick of the night. After a long week, I was perfectly content falling into our usual Friday night routine of Subway, Aldi, and Meijer. Last night we even “branched out” and also went to Wal*Mart, the dry cleaner, Bob Evans (for our free desert – I love free things, can’t you tell?), and Hallmark.
Exciting, I know. I’d be jealous, too.
In any case, our routine is usually followed up by “Redboxing” (yes, I made a new verb) something, especially this time of year when outdoor activities, beside ice fishing, are pretty much out of the question. Being fair individuals, my husband and I take turns picking out the movie. Let it be known, that I have only picked out 1 bad movie over the course of 2 1/2 years; he, on the other hand, as picked out several. Can you say, The Assasination of Jesse James?
Last night, it was my turn to hijack our time of entertainment.
In case you don’t know the premise of the film, allow the trusty IMDB to educate you!
When Henry DeTamble meets Clare Abshire in a Chicago library they both understand that he is a time traveller, but she she knows much more than this about him as he has not yet been to the times and places where they have met before. He falls in love with her, as she has already with him, but his continuing unavoidable absences time travelling – and then returning with increasing knowledge of their future – makes things ever more difficult for Clare.
Now, as you probably know, neither John nor I are time travelers. Sorry to disappoint.
The movie, though, dealt with things that could very likely pertain to our life. Horrific things like miscarriages – multiple ones. Miraculous things like having children after enduring miscarriages. Sad things like knowing you’re going to pass away and leave your spouse and children behind, knowing that your spouse and children know that, too.
Needless to say, the movie messed with my mind. It messed with John’s, too, though not as much as mine. Satan will use anything to steal our joy, especially during this time of ministry transition, of this I’m sure.
After a brief exchange about how the movie left us feeling, I spent the rest of the night in silence, nestled up close to my husband’s chest, grieving over a loss I have yet to experience and may never have to endure.
After a time of prayer, John fell right to sleep. I did, too, but after a horrible dream, was left feeling anxious.
After over an hour, I left our bedroom and came out to our front window seat and asked God to speak to me.
“Do not fear, for I am with You always.”
Those words kept playing over and over again in my mind. I found my way back to bed and finally fell asleep. Once again, I was nestled up close to my husband. I felt safe and whole. I was even semi-glad we rented the movie, if only to make me continue to face my fears head on. That’s the only way to get passed them, I know.
As I continue to journey on in my quest for fearless living, I still have a lot to learn….but I’m thankful I’m on my way.