It’s funny how re-starting a blog (or any type of public forum writing) after so long leaves me feeling vulnerable, out of practice and very small. I still spend time with my worn, hand-written journals, though not as much is healthy for me, but as for sharing my thoughts with the world, it’s been a long time.
I used to love to write, and I still do, but since I haven’t done it in so long, and am considered somewhat of a “professional” since I wrote a book and work for a publishing company, I feel the urge to judge everything I type and to erase anything that would leave readers questioning why I’m blogging again.
Scratch that….but I can’t…because if I erase what I just wrote, I’ll be giving in to the force that tells me that listening to Amber’s thoughts was so 2005 and this calling I feel to share isn’t from the Lord but instead something broken within me.
Maybe it is…but even if so, I have to write. Writing brings me joy and peace, makes me feel closer to my Savior and makes me feel like I’m making a difference, even if the only person that may read this is my husband (thanks, Baby). Even if he doesn’t, I don’t think I have a choice. I’m not setting out to write another book. I know. Those who know me have heard me say that before, but I really didn’t have any control over what happened before and really don’t now. So, if three years from now, these entries become a book, don’t be surprised but don’t expect it, either.
No, I’m not setting out to write Breathtaking: Volume 2, though I’m not opposed to God using me (and my husband, John) to helping others come closer to Him through writing another book of some sort. In fact, we’ve already talked about it and are always praying about what God has next for us and trying to be open to His will.
I’m also, though, not naive enough to think that I’m some “expert” in any area of Christianity and have some unknown, brilliant advice for other Christ-followers. Hardly so. In saying that, though, maybe it’s us that realize are frail state and aren’t striving to have a big following that really can help others along the way. I’d like to think so.
So, if you want, you can come along on my journey. Either way, I’m jumping off the cliff (at least it feels that way) and getting myself back out there. I may write one entry one day, five the next and none for two weeks. I’m not going to give myself some set schedule. I’ve lived in legalism before in many areas of my life, and as a perfectionist in my trade, I can see myself doing the same with my writing. I refuse. It won’t last if I do. The joy of doing it and the purity of it will gone, leaving no point to continue along my way.
For you see, I have come to a place in my life that I must pick up the pen once more and forget my fears and just write. What will I write? I don’ t know. I guess you’ll have to stick around and see. If you’ve followed my writing long enough, though, you know you’ll be promised a few things:
- A lot of talk about loving Jesus – not religion – and striving to know Him better
- A lot of talk about loving my husband & the lessons God teaches me through our marriage (this is new!)
- Gut-wrenching honesty that may make you feel uncomfortable
- Fun, random things that make no sense at all
- Some references to country music; all the genre’s songs are not about beer and women, believe it or not.
So, I guess this is it. Ready or not, here I blog.