When Opposites Attract

I married someone with the polar opposite personality.

That’s not over-exaggerating, either. When I say “polar,” I’m talking on the far other end of the personality spectrum. Just ask the people who know us best.

As we talk about in our new book, we love Jesus, each other and brutal honesty. Other than that, there’s not much at all that we have in common. I’m an extrovert; he’s an introvert.  I am extremely visionary and can see the big picture very easily. John is very detailed-oriented and analyzes every angle of every issue. It goes deeper than that, though. I don’t like dirt but can deal with a bit of clutter, am spontaneous in nature and gain energy from being around people. John’s more regimented and organized than a naval ship and is drained by crowds. This makes for a very refining and interesting, and on rare occasions volatile, union, to say the least.

Take this morning as an example.

Thankfully, I have a husband who helps with the cleaning duties around the home. Not the day-to-day pick-up, since I work from home, but the “big cleans” that can be done on weekends. To be honest, I’ve never cleaned a bathroom since we got married. When we were engaged and talking over how our household would look, he told me bathrooms were a rather dirty job, so they’d be something he’d always do. Say no more! I was – and still am – definitely on board with this logic.

On Saturdays designated for cleaning, my duties tend me to be cleaning the entire kitchen (except the floor), dusting and polishing (we have a lot of wood) and sweeping.  John does the bathrooms (toilets, sinks, tub, floor, etc.) and mops the entryway and the kitchen. He sometimes polishes the leather furniture, too, if he’s going for the extra clean look.

Today we were going about our individual duties, getting high off of various fumes, when he says, “I’m just working on re-organizing the chaos in your bathroom.”

Oh, no he didn’t.

I immediately rush into our main bathroom to see my cupboards no longer in their somewhat-organized state, at least in my mind.

No, they’d been hijacked by John and his love for extreme order. “Cleaning” the bathroom did not involve re-organizing it. I was clearly not happy and wished he’d go back to organizing kitchen drawers or the junk drawer (yes, he organizes that too).

It’s not that I didn’t appreciate how he lined all my hair things up in nice rows, or how he’d put every single bobby pin in a plastic baggy so they were all together, or how he’d classified my various trial-sized lotions. It just wasn’t me, the way I wanted it. As I reminded him that I’d told him before, that was MY space, and he was to just leave it alone.

I can’t say that I went about voicing my disdain in the nicest way. Basically, I went off. He wasn’t upset. I think he found it rather funny, but I was far from pleased. I felt violated and upset, and he didn’t mean any harm at all. In his words, “Babe, I was just trying to help. It was scary in there.”  I will admit I had a random cross necklace in my bathroom, but everything else clearly belonged in that room, even if it wasn’t in pristine order like the rest of our home.

After I cooled down, I went to find him to talk. Low and behold he was still in my bathroom. Doing what, you ask? Cleaning my electronic toothbrush with a manual toothbrush, making sure every bit of dirt was off of it.  No, you can’t make this stuff up. I sat down and told him that what made me upset was I felt like he was trying to force me to be him, when I have no desire to be him at all. I happily keep the entire rest of the house and his stuff organized the way he would like. All I want in return is a couple of drawers that reflect my personality. I wanted permission to just be me.

Of course, it wasn’t his intention to upset me. Again, he was just trying to help.

As I reminded him, though, hen opposites attract, both parties have to still feel permission to be themselves. For me, that means don’t touch my bathroom drawers.

Why Community Matters

Community matters.

Whether we like it or not, we were meant to live within community.

Extrovert or not, married or single, we need people (other than your spouse, if you have one) with whom we can do life, people who have the liberty to speak into our life and vice/versa. We need actual friends, not just people we’re “friends” with on Facebook.  We need not live life as if we are an island. Instead, we need to ask for help when we need it and freely give help when others need it. We need people with whom we can rejoice, with whom we can cry, with whom we can grow and change. We need the courage to admit to others when we’re wrong. We need the courage to gently tell those with whom we have relationship that they’re wrong – not for the purposes of berating them but instead with the pledge to help them, for the purpose of bringing wholeness, not shame.

That being said…
In an age of posers, pick your friends wisely.  I’m thankful John and I have done just that.

Yesterday we had the opportunity to spend the entire day with three people we love dearly. After hearing of our leaky roof (or so we thought), which was causing serious structural damage in our kitchen, and knowing that John was too stubborn to ask for help, Chris, Rachel and baby Ainsley just showed up at our door. They came to be Jesus’ hands and feet. In a matter of hours, the men were able to pin-point in the attic what was causing the damage in the kitchen (a pipe leak instead of a roof leak, which is a MUCH cheaper fix!), provide a temporary solution in the attic, and re-enforce the kitchen ceiling.  While the men were working, Rachel and I were able to catch up and have really meaningful, honest conversation. Ainsley talked, too, but we aren’t quite sure what she was saying.   After the work was completed, we shared a meal together, watched some football and shared some refreshingly honest conversation between the four of us. We laughed a lot, but we also talked about struggles and admitted faults.

Toward the end of the night, I sat on our couch and thought, “This is how life is meant to be done. This is what Jesus wants for His children.” When it was time to say goodbye, I was so thankful that what started out as such a stressful day turned into a great day all because of friends.

I pray, if you haven’t already, you find the sense of community we have found in our circle of friends.

They truly make life on this fallen earth much easier!

Dollar Store Love

Roaming the dollar store is like going on a treasure hunt.

…or so I’m told.

I may not get a gleam in my eye the moment we step in the door, like my husband does, but I try my best to show at least a bit of excitement when he asks almost each Friday if we can make a stop at the local Dollar Tree.

Not wanting to disappoint, I cheerfully say, “Sure Baby,” and the adventure begins.

We don’t mess with stores like Family Dollar, Dollar General, and Deal$, where the deals really aren’t all $1. No, we’re purist when it comes to our “dollar” store shopping.

We walk hand-in-hand into the land-of-$1-deals, never knowing what we may find. Sometimes we choose just a basket,  but sometimes we need a cart to collect our treasures.   If you’ve never frequented your local dollar store, allow me to give you a guide to the items that are worth buying there. It will save you money in the long run! And don’t worry, they are open at times other than Friday night.

First, you must peruse the front, where they keep their seasonal items and rather large collection of as-seen-on-TV products.  You can usually find some really sweet deals right at the front of the store.

• For example, during times like Christmas, their gift bags, which come in a variety of sizes (including super large), patterns and colors, are a STEAL! The tissue paper is also a good buy, even though it’s not the best of quality, at 40 sheets for $1, it’s still worth it.  I’d skip the wrapping paper, however. After Christmas you can find good quality, big rolls of paper for cheap prices at places like Target.
• All the as-seen-on-TV items are also a $1, so be sure to try some out just for kicks.
  

Here’s a list of other items we only buy at the dollar store:

• UPDATE: Shower caps – how could I forget about my beloved caps?! Get 8 sexy caps for just $1!
• Tea Lights – 16 for $1. That’s less than 7 cents a piece!
• Hand-held lighter for said candles – Can’t be a $1 for these!
• Kitchen sponges – Get the Scotch Brite ones; they’re the best.
• Dryer Sheets – Never buy ones at the regular store again!
• Cleaning products – Either make your own or buy them for $1 a piece. Why spend more?

A list of products we sometimes buy at the Dollar Store:

• Cards – They now have a good selection of cards either 2 for $1 or $1 a piece. They don’t have  great ones for every occasion, but they certainly have a good assortment.
• Gum – Unless there’s a good sale elsewhere, which happens pretty often.
• Tin foil – It’s kind of thin but good for grilling
• Batteries
• Random items we find throughout the store

I’m sure I’m forgetting a few things, or maybe I’m not, but as you can see, there’s plenty of treasures to find at your local dollar store.

When You Don’t Know What To Write

I started this blogging year off with a bang.

For the past couple of days, though, I’ve really lacked motivation.

I don’t know why, really. Maybe it’s because I feel like the last post I wrote is really important and needs read by many more souls – not because I wrote it but because of the subject matter. Maybe it’s because hubs and I just had a 3 day weekend that didn’t leave much time for blogging, and I’m still getting back into the swing of things.

I think know most of it has to do with the former.

I mean, how do you blog again after writing about 27 million people who are currently enslaved throughout the world?

How do you just go back to writing about things that, when compared to the heaviness of that post, don’t really matter?

I’m not sure, honestly. I’m sure my verbosity and inspiration will return. It just hasn’t yet.

For now, if you haven’t, read about those who are desperately in need of freedom.

27 Million: It Doesn’t Have To Be This Way

January is National Human Slavery and Human Trafficking Awareness month.

Yesterday, 1/1/11, was National Human Trafficking Awareness Day.

According to Change.org, “Slavery is more affordable, more widespread and more entrenched in 2011 than it was in ancient Rome or the antebellum South of America. Modern-day slaves, also called human trafficking victims, can be male or female, from any country or representing any ethnicity.”

What does that mean?

An estimated 27 million people created in God’s image  are currently enslaved worldwide.

80% of those are women and children.

Absolutely sickening, isn’t it?

Whether they be trapped in forced manual labor, sold into the sex trade, or some other abhorrent form of bondage, they need our concern and prayers. It’s not enough, though, to be merely saddened  for a few minutes by the numbers and/or throw up a prayer now-and-then on behalf of the slaves.

No. we must be moved to action, not just to temporal tears or feelings of lament.

We must remember we’re Jesus’ hands and feet and called to bring freedom in His name.

We must not only say along with the 44,000 college students that attended Passion 2012 that freedom for all in Jesus’ name must be the battle cry of our generation; we must move past mere emotions and ACT.

We must do something – NOW before the 27 million turns into 54 or, God-forbid, 100 million.

If giving financially is not something with which you feel comfortable, there are plenty of other ways you can be a part of the movement to end modern-day slavery.

Here’s just a few:

• Learn about your slavery footprint HERE and then share it with others to spur them on to change, as well.
• Demand fair-trade goods by contacting your favorite retailers with your concerns about the current slavery epidemic.
• Download the Free2Work app on your phone, which scans products’ bar codes and then grades companies on a scale of “A” to “F” based on their efforts to prevent and to address forced and child labor.
• Raise awareness by hosting a block party with some friends and neighbors and show the Freedom film which exposes the slave industry for what it is.

I’m by no means an expert on advocating for human slavery. I am just starting my journey of advocacy for those who cannot free themselves and am sure I have a lot to learn, a lot in all honesty part of me doesn’t want to learn. Why?

Because if I can no longer use naivety as an excuse (not that it truly is, anyway), I am accountable to the truth I know….truth that will be a catalyst for change or deeply convict me for my silence.

27 million.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

2012′s “Word”

My 2012 still doesn’t have its “word“.

That’s about to change.

2012′s word is going to be:

Source

Yes, “FREEEEEDOOOOM,” as William Wallace in Braveheart would say.

Throughout this year, I am asking God to make Galatians 5:13 real to me.

It says:
“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your
freedom as an  opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. “

For many different reasons, I don’t always feel like I’m living under the umbrella of freedom in Christ. Whether it’s because I haven’t spent time in His word re-charging my batteries or dispelling the enemy’s condescending lies, or I am giving into my fleshly desires and not seeking His voice, I often silence His still, small voice and miss out on what He has for me.

I miss out on freedom.

That’s not Christ’s fault. That’s mine.

As a Christ-follower, the full power of the Holy Spirit, and the freedom that comes with walking in it, is available to me daily — if I only obey His voice and also use the Armor of God to fight for my joy.

As we all know, though, there are more types of bondage that keep us from freedom than just spiritual warfare.

From financial difficulties many of us have faced in the last few years, to health difficulties, to rifts in our marriage, to wayward children, we’re all dealing with probably at least one freedom-breaker, ones that make us feel like we’re in a prison and far from joyful.

We must remember Christ is still the answer to all of our problems, that true freedom is found in His name and not in different circumstances.

We must take this simple-yet-powerful message to the captives and set the prisoners free.  We must be His hands and feet, especially to the  27 million slaves currently in this world (more on this later).

Through His power, and for the glory of His great name, we must be champions for freedom.  I’m convinced the world can change if we let Him change us and then we unite together, if freedom is our battle cry.

What’s your word for 2012?

“Go Fearlessly” – A Review

Have you picked your word for 2012?

If you recall, last year after much thinking, I picked “fearless” to be my “word” for 2011.

When you put John’s and my word together, you got “Go Fearlessly.”

…And I’m proud to say we did, most of the time.

Though there’s nothing tangible (yet) to prove it, we accomplished a lot in 2011 when it comes to our ministry and book.

• It took a while, but we worked through our different ideas of what the ministry should look like and are now on the same page.
• We wrote the new preface, 2 new chapters and new epilogue for Breathtaking. This required me to take a few weeks off of work to pen my part (everything but the new Epilogue), but forfeiting a paycheck was well worth the focus I was able to give my writing.
• We hired a friend, who is an incredibly talented web designer and runs his own business, to create our whole new website. The site will be launched soon!
• We started meeting regularly as a ministry board and voted 2 new members in, one being my husband — probably a good idea.
• We turned all the text into the publisher and have been working with them (a lot of back-and-forth) on getting that through the process. We’re finally to proofreading — this is huge. You have no idea, unless you walked through the sometimes-very-frustrating process with me before when I was trying to release the first edition. I forgot how many boxes on a check-list one has to cross off before they can become an author.
• After more revisions than I could have ever imagined or would have wanted, we almost have a cover for the new edition that we can be excited about. If you want your say to count, check out some of them on my Facebook page.
• We got all the paperwork signed in order to have an E-book for the new edition. Hurray!
• We’re planning for a Spring release (Lord-willing…pllleeease, Lord?) and excited about the future.

I hate that it still seems like we haven’t been doing anything with the book and ministry. Rest assured. We’ve been working very, very hard, and eventually, our behind-the-scenes work will pay off.  Many things are just simply out of our control and we’re having to trust Him to take care of everything in His timing. This timing certainly isn’t lining up with what we had planned. We were hoping for a 2011 release, but He must have a better plan that goes along with releasing in 2012. I can’t wait to see exactly what that plan is. Pretty soon you will be able to see the fruits of our labor.

While you wait, you could always read the Preface of the new edition, if you haven’t already.

2012: “Finish Year” – Goal #5

My “Finish Year” goal-making is coming to an end.

During the past week, I’ve made a total of 4 goals for my 2012.

If you haven’t read my other posts, you can easily catch up by going here:
Goal #1 — check out some new cover options for the new book by going to my Facebook page.
Goal #2
Goal #3
Goal #4

What’s my grand finale?

Goal #5 is to achieve a personal goal I can’t talk about on my blog.

Now I realize my vagueness is going to lead to disappointment. Before you dismiss me, though, please hear me out.

There’s just some things you can’t say online that could be easily traced, or should I say, you shouldn’t say.

I thought really long and hard about writing about some other goal, one that I could actually articulate. I thought through all these other things that I plan on trying to do in 2012 that would have made a better blog post, but in the end, I remembered something: I vowed when I started this blog that I wouldn’t write to please you. Don’t take offense to that. I just don’t write for a certain stat number. I write for the continual renewal of my soul.  So, since I just don’t really don’t have another goal that means as much to me as this one, I’m going with this one, as opaque as it is.

God knows. I know. My husband knows as do my close friends. If you are really dying to know, and are willing to pray for me as I pursue this goal (and aren’t just trying to be a snoop), email me and I’ll tell you, too.

It’s nothing sensational, believe me. Any rumors that are started that tell you I’m getting a divorce, that we’re using a surrogate (though we’re not opposed to such a thing but that goes against goal #4), that John and I are starting a local TV series like Giuliana and Bill (though that would be super fun), or that I’m fulfilling some long-lost dream of running for some political position (though that also sounds fun) are all untrue.

This goal coming to fruition depends on a lot of factors, many out of my control and others that don’t seem to have the easiest of answers. If it doesn’t happen, for whatever reason, life will move on. If it does, though, I’m going to be really, really happy. I’m going to do my best to happy even if it doesn’t, which I know I can’t do in my own strength.

I’m praying for contentment as I wait and see what happens, for contentment in all things.

2012: “Finish Year” – Goal #4

My “Finish Year” project is well on its way.

Goals #1, #2, and #3 have already been posted.

Today’s focus is Goal #4, and it’s a very personal one.

Goal #4 for 2012:
Let go of my tight grip on my desire for motherhood and realize God is still good even if I never get to be a mom, whether through having a biological child or through the beauty of adoption.

To be frankly honest, I really wanted one of my goals for 2012 to be becoming a mother, but unless the Lord intervenes in some miraculous way, that won’t be happening this year. Lord-willing, it will be next year, though. Even if it doesn’t, God is still good, and I must remember that fact.

After many very long and hard conversations with my husband, and ultimately the Lord, we have decided for a myriad of reasons that it’d be best if we wait to actively embark on parenthood (either through both trying to have our own children and adoption or just adoption — that is still TBD) until 2013 instead of this year as previously planned. I can’t say I was exactly thrilled when my husband came to me in early December with his concerns about moving forward as we’d previously planned. In fact, I was extremely upset, angry and even bitter for a few weeks. I’ve since moved past my initial emotional response and have a much clearer head.  Through prayer and remembering my husband is not the enemy, I am understanding more clearly my husband’s heart and desire to responsibly lead our family. He isn’t out to “get” me — no, not at all. I am very thankful for that fact. I won’t lie, though. Embracing on a daily basis our now-mutual decision isn’t easy.

It’s no secret to those closest to me that motherhood in 2012 (or at least the path to it) was something I’d been looking forward to all throughout 2011, something that I’d been planning my life around, especially my current career choice, for quite some time.  The influx of adorable babies born in our circle of friends during the past year didn’t help my baby fever, either.  I just wanted, and still want, to be a mom, to leave a lasting, Godly legacy to my children and their children’s children.

Like every other good gift from above, the desire to be a mother (or father) is Godly and good but also can turn into a foothold for Satan, if we’re not careful. It can lead to parenthood (or marriage or whatever) becoming the end-all-be-all. It can become a god, one that falsely promises completion and other self-satisfying desires.

It we’re not careful, our Godly desires can become ungodly obsessions that ultimately take the focus off of what life is really about.

What would that be, you ask?

• Being satisfied in Jesus alone and desiring to do His will, no matter what
• Loving God with all of our heart, soul, strength and mind and loving our neighbor as ourselves. 

That, my friends, is what really matters.

The pursuit of anything above Him and His will is just, well, wrong.
We must let go of Godly desires and praise Him whether He gives them back to us or not.

What does that mean for me?
Just like years ago when I was deathly ill, I let my desire to live go, I must let go of my desire to be a mom. I must lay it down on an altar of praise and say, “Not my will but Yours be done.”

Letting go of my desire to be a mother, whether biologically or through the beauty of adoption, has been hard. I realized something during my time of  extreme hurt. Don’t misunderstand me. John never intended to hurt me through his desire to change our plans, I know that and you should, too. In fact, now a few weeks removed from all the emotion, I firmly believe God has worked through my husband’s  desire to wait for us to wait to start our journey toward parenthood to continue to purify and sanctify me to His truth. As I look back, I think I was so deeply hurt not because I’m a woman who has a Godly desire to be a mother, which is far from sinful. My humanity caused some hurt, yes, but much of the stinging pain stemmed from how my desire to achieve motherhood was starting to unconsciously become a god, one that needed knocked down and submitted to the Father.

As I embark on 2012, I am daily submitting putting my desire to be a parent down on the altar of praise. I am thanking Him for an awesome husband who is far from perfect (as am I) but who truly loves Christ first and me second, even when I fail to give him the benefit of the doubt. I am asking Him to daily fill me with the Holy Spirit and help me find my completion solely in the finished work of the Cross. I am continually praying for our future children and asking for wisdom to raise them, whenever – and however – they get here, to revere and proclaim His name.  I am not shying away from my desire to be a parent next year, but I am also not bowing down to it, either.  I appreciate your prayers as I surrender this desire to Him and as we prepare for what will surely be a long and hard road ahead when He does give us the green light to move forward with starting our family.

I encourage you to give Him your greatest desires, as well, and praise Him whether He chooses to give them back to you or not.

He alone is good, no matter what.

2012: “Finish Year” – Goal #3

2012 is “Finish Year,” at least according to Jon Acuff.

Like thousands, I’ve joined the bandwagon and am making my 5 goals for the year.

So far, I’ve blogged about Goal #1 & Goal #2.

Like Goal #2, Goal #3 is once again a personal one – this time on a spiritual level.

In 2012, I want to read through the Bible using the 52 Week Bible Reading Plan.

I have read the Bible all the way through many times, but to be honest, I haven’t always been real intentional in my daily Bible reading. “Intentional” as in not just studying it for another motive (even really, really good ones)  but instead retaining its Truths for me, for my growth instead of my GPA’s or the growth of others. I’ve been working on this more the past 2 years but still am experiencing the effects of unconsciously neglecting personal study for so long.

This was especially true during college. Not that it’s an excuse, but when you spend 3 1/2 years completing a Bachelor of Science degree in Biblical Studies, and your Bible becomes your #1 textbook (meaning you’re using it up to 6 hours a day), it’s kind of hard to get excited about opening it for the sole purpose of hearing from God with no string attached. You feel burnt out and like you got more than enough Bible time in each day, even if 99% of that time was for academic purposes and not intentional spiritual growth, or at least I did.

At the same time I was also traveling the country sharing my testimony with literally thousands of people. I wasn’t comfortable, nor did I think it was right, to just talk about me the whole time. Therefore, through sharing Scripture, I always made sure I incorporated an attribute of God and/or theological point that went with my story (in particular, His sovereignty and goodness amidst human suffering) into each of my speaking engagements. My goal was to ultimately help the group to whom I was speaking grow in their knowledge and understanding of God through the telling of my walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I wasn’t out for fame or a good pat on the back from a person from each state of the union. I was in love with Jesus, even if He allowed me to experience the effects of the Fall in painful ways. Glorifying His name was all I cared out when I was out on the road. I mean that. I also know, though, that this calling required a lot of preparation and time in the Word – for motives not focused on my own spiritual growth but others’ instead.

I was also directing a teen-related ministry and also teaching ladies’ Bible study once-a-week, two activities that had me once again focused on helping others grow in their walks with the Lord, and you have one very burnt out Christian.

My burn-out was my own fault, though. I know that now.

I had poured out so much from the Word to everyone else but failed to fill myself back up. I had made excuses for how I was “already spending time in the Bible” when I felt the Holy Spirit’s nudge to take time to hear from Him outside of my school work or group preparation.

I’ve learned the hard way that:

• Studying the Bible for others’ benefit, or for your Christian college education, doesn’t mean you’re growing yourself.
• It doesn’t mean you’re submitting yourself daily to the Holy Spirit’s leading just because you crack open the Bible for hours a day.  
• It doesn’t mean you’re living in God’s will just because you have X amount of passages memorized or have mad exegetical skills.
  

As we look to get back out on the road during 2012, I am praying that I will not let my personal study become lax like I have in the past when my schedule has been filled with Godly things, activities that in the pasts have had me daily in the Word but not for the purpose of asking, “God, how do You want to change me today?”

May that be the question on the forefront of all of our minds during 2012.